Falling With Style

It's happened. Yet again, it's happened. This is the third time in our house, now.

Our newest child - one who comes with all the latest mod-cons - has taken his first steps. In fact, in motor vehicle terms he has gone from 0-60 in a matter of days. It's incredible to watch. Have you ever been in on the process? It's fascinating to analyse it.

First - there's the twinkle in the eye. Next comes the rolling over onto the tummy, and a giggle. Then within days, that rolling has turned into commando-crawling, elbows doing the work. SAS eat your heart out. Actually, don't. That would be gross.

Then the crawling turns into wild arm waving (picture the little one at a JLS concert) and then grabbing nearest furniture legs / human legs / dishwasher door* (*or all at the same time in a bid for an Octopus impression).

Then one day it happens.

It warrants a phone call from the wife and a whole album of pictures on the iPhone and accompanying commentary on Facebook. Then sit back and watch the world 'Like' 'Like' 'Like' 'Like'.... He takes his first Big Steps on his Own. And the accomplishment is known as a resounding success. Grade A* young lad. Superb effort.

But from thereon a mystifying shift takes place. Once those first steps are proven, it seems society at large starts measuring things by outcome, rather than process. All the time our dear little Toby is struggling, grabbing, falling with style, inconveniencing, reaching out, tumbling, failing, disturbing, trying, disrupting ...in a bid to show the world he can walk on his own two (cute) (small) (dinky) feet, it's okay. We expect that.

But flash forward in time and somehow once the First Steps and First Words are boxes ticked, and one reaches the 'teenage' years ('the in-between-agers') or even Big Grown Ups in the odd-world called Business - any behaviour that appears to warrant descriptions of 'Struggling' or 'Failing' is bang out of order. How dare you Struggle! Failing Is Shameful. Struggling Is For Wimps. I can see the t-shirt slogans now.

Bang Bang you're out.  As-if we should get it right first time? Or second time at least? 'Expectations are the greatest source of unhappiness' says Neale Donald Walsch. How come we expect to get everything right. All the time? When did we decide that? Who says that's how it must stay? We do it as parents. We do it in business. We do it in our own gorgeous heads. Berating, Blaming, Banging our heads against the fridge door. First Time or else.

If Love is Patient, Love is Kind then - to quote that celebrity sage Will.I.Am and his Black Eyed Peas crew, Where is the Love? Is Love only for those two and under?

When did Process become a dirty word? It's all grades, results, performance, outcomes. Which is fine, really - I run marathons and the outcome always matters to me... And what about all the struggling, grabbing, reaching out, disturbing, failing that goes into getting the result? Marathon running taught me that process matters.

Last time I looked nobody was born with a magic wand in their hand. Not even Harry Potter.

"Success is going from failure to failure without losing hope" suggested Winston Churchill.

So to all those of us who are still carrying L-plates in our lives - as parents, partners, colleagues, leaders, friends. Keep On. If you're down, get back up again. If you failed, its just handy information about how not to do something. You're not a failure. You're a resilient learner. You may not remember your first steps, but that same resilience is within you. Always. Right now it's there.

And, well done Toby for a majestic effort. Effort is what we should praise more than Right Answers (thank you Dr.Carol Dweck for that reminder). For falling and getting back up again, even off the tarmac with your pink and grazed knees. Life, sadly, will have you grazing your knees again my littl'un, but I hope that at the wise young age of one you hold onto the truth you have earned that the Struggle is all part of the Journey. Ask any caterpillar.