Think of someone who has affected your life for good. Can you picture their face, and hear their voice? I wonder, what it was about them that impacted you so much...
Whilst you consider that, let me tell you about a 'sticky' moment, by which I mean a moment that will stick with me forever.
The Visit
I was sitting in hospital with a friend called David a few weeks before he died. David radically altered the way I think about myself. And about life. You know that kind of guy? He was on the final leg of his journey of a cancer that eventually whisked him away from life far far far too early. He was taller and thinner than most people you meet, and his voice resonated with the sound of authority.
On handing him a bunch of white roses, I asked him the question. "David, how do you cope?"
Just five words. But hiding in that question were other questions like 'Why is this happening? Are you going to die? Why haven't I made more of our time together? What do you think when your body is wasting away?'
One question in which lay every question.
He chuckled. I will always remember that chuckle. How one chuckle can reveal the immensity of the Man. Laughing in the face of death. Literally.
"I think about everything I'm thankful for." That's what he said. He hadn't practised it, he hadn't had a sneak peek at the back of the Book Of Life for the Right Answer. But 'Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks'.
It's not just you
In our mentoring work with young people - close to 200 individual young people in the last 7 months - the theme of coping comes up a lot. E v e r y s i n g l e d a y in fact.
How to assist young people to cope with parents or losing their parents, one or both at the same time. How to cope with teachers, and help teachers cope with them. How to cope with puberty, and the turbocharged bodily changes they are going through. How to cope with self-harm, addictions to pornography, going through sex change, problems of bad diets.... Somewhere between the safe harbour of 'Facing It' and the distant land of 'Overcoming It' lies the em-ocean of 'How do I cope with it?'
Some days, coping with life can feel like a mammoth task. (You know... large, hairy and from another time).
Coping Strategies
Dr Chris Madden, a clinical psychologist, identifies eight specific categories of coping. Although he doesn't suggest 'Laughing in the face of death' as one of them, he does identify 'Being Philosophical' about things. Stepping out of the now and taking a longer term view. Mentally rising above your death bed and noticing things other than the hospital, the chemo treatment, the sheer bodily pain, the embarrassment.
What else do you notice when you look away from your problem?
Some of the other coping categories are 'Acting out' and 'Addictions' - Dr.M highlighting that there are unhealthy ways of coping just as there are healthier ones.
Past, Present, Future?
David was an example of not looking at the past and moaning about why... or being overwhelmed by the demands of the present... but choosing to look to the future and consider 'What next?' And the only way to face whatever is coming next is to meet it head on with a heart full of gratitude.
Thank you David, thank you.
- If you would like to make a donation towards the work of Lifespace Trust with young people facing and overcoming disadvantage, then please visit www.lifespace.org.uk and click on the lovely red VirginMoneyGiving logo in the bottom left corner. If you do, then thank you.
- Thank you to David's wife Meryl for permission to publish this. A fabulous lady indeed.
